Ramblings of a Demented Authour
by WikketKrikket
Summary: Just a little idea I had...A game of exploding snap turns Ron's world topsyturvy. His best friends have switched genders, and worryingly, so has he. Forget changing back first he has to SURVIVE... Discontinued, Author name changed from Waffles4eva
1. Proulouge: Slightly Modified Snap Cards

Ramblings of a Demented Author  
  
A/N: Hee hee... hee hee hee... Ron wakes up and finds himself in a new school year- but there's a catch. Certain characters have changed genders! Some are the same, some are different- but don't worry, you can tell who's who! Oh, and what does the new girl have to do with it all? Ron's never met her, but according to everyone else, she's been there all along! That isn't all Ron's worries though, because this world is really weird. Malfoy fancies Harry's female equivalent, 'Hermione' and Ron are actually an item...poor boy, he's really confused!  
  
Disclaimer: Own Harry Potter? I wish. All I own is a slightly pathetic plot.  
  
Prologue: Slightly Modified Snap Cards.  
  
It was the start of their second year, everyone had un-packed, Harry had got away from the Durselys- and Fred and George were throwing their annual start of year party.  
Ron looked round, actually enjoying himself for what felt the first time in ages. He watched Harry and Neville playing a rather precarious game of exploding snap. The stack of cards was huge; and any moment now-  
** BOOM**. The resulting explosion rattled the windows. Gryffindors of all ages hurried to cover from the burning cards now falling to the floor.  
"Where'd you get the cards, Neville?" Seamus called from across the room.  
"Fred and George..." A considerably-blackened Neville gasped. A laugh of approval echoed round the room.  
"Modified Exploding Snap cards!" Fred bellowed "Trick your friends!"  
"Blow them up, more like." Hermione sniffed. Everyone ignored her.  
"They look just like normal cards, that's the beauty of them." George boasted. "And they can be yours for just One Galleon!" They would have been flocked with buyers, had Neville not given a frightened squeak just then, to Ron's right.  
One of the cards had set fire to the carpet right next to Neville's feet.  
"Errm...don't worry Neville!" Fred yelled. "It'll only burn!"  
"Yeah, it's easy to put out! Errm...anyone remember the charm?"  
Neville gave another squeak, and started to back off. Unfortunately, he backed into a table, and the huge, heavy, floor lamp wobbled, then fell over.  
Ron realised what was going to happen, but had no chance to move before the lamp smacked hard onto his head.  
Gryffindor Common Room was in pandemonium as the desk began to set on fire; and as Ron swayed on his feet and fell into a dead faint.  
  
A/N: Well, there's the prologue for cha all. I thought it was funny! Still, next chapter, Ron wakes up and things get weird. Yay! Weird! Power to the freaks! One day we'll rule the World! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


	2. One: Waking up in a weird, weird, world

A/N: Well, let's get this party started!! Disclaimer: One day...  
  
One: Waking up in a weird, weird world  
  
"Well, this'll be a good advert for the cards..." A voice above Ron said.

"I know! People were interested already, but now-""Honestly!" A third, agitated voice said. "I can't believe you two are more worried about your sales then you are about your sister!" Sister? Had Ginny been hurt?"Oh, lighten up Henry!""Yeah, it's not like it's a crime or anything, wanting to make a bit of cash.""No...but still...""You're beginning to sound like Percy.""Oh, yes? Well, maybe that's a good thing! At least he's worried about her! You're just worried about your profits!"

"Oh yeah? Where is Percy then?"

"He's talking to Madame Pomfrey."

"Oh, mind that temper now...Help us out here, Harry!"

"Chill, Henry." Another voice said. "Fred and George _are _worried; this is just how they deal with it."  
  
"Yeah, Harry's right."  
  
"Yeah, what she said!" Ron was now thoroughly confused. He dragged his burning eyes open, hoping it would help. It didn't. In fact, it made things worse. Four boys and a girl were gathered round his bed. He guessed he was in the hospital wing, but everything else seemed weird, somehow...

"Oh, hello." Said Fred "She's awake. Go and get Perc, Jim." One of the boys got up, grumbling, and walked off the room. Ron now had two problems.

One: The boy named Jim. Who was he? He was most defiantly a boy, but he looked and acted disturbingly like Ginny. Even the names were similar...

Two: Fred had called him a her. What the heck was going on here? He was beginning to guess. Dreading what he might see, Ron looked down his body. His chest had extended. A lot. And his hair had grown. A lot. _Okay_, he told himself, _Don't Panic_. But when he- she looked around, it was hard not to. Next to him was Fred, George, and his two best friends- looking nearly the same as ever except for one slight flaw. Hermione and Harry had switched genders. Just what was going on here?

"Feeling okay, sis?" George asked.

"Yeah, that was quite a knock on the head that lamp gave you. Might have knocked out a few brain cells...if you'd had any, of course." Fred added. "Oh, and remind us never to sell any of our products to Naomi." Everyone laughed appreciatively. Naomi? Could it be...Neville?  
Just then, Ron had a thought. If he was a girl, wouldn't he have a girl's name...?  
"You alright, mate?" The scarily feminine Harry asked.  
"Fine." Ron squeaked. If he said anything else, they'd think he was crazy. Maybe he was.

"I'm glad you're alright, 'Becca..." The Hermione-Boy said, shyly."Oh please..." Harry-girl moaned "If you two are going to have 'a moment' please wait till I'm out the room..."  
  
"Ah, You'll be ready for love one day, Harriet..." Fred said. "And when you are, we'll be ready for you..."

"What?!" 'Harriet' shrieked.

"Well," George replied "You're famous..."  
  
"You're rich..." Fred added.

"You're good at Quidditch..."  
  
"You come round every summer..."  
  
"And you're not a bad-looker, either."

"I call that One-stop shopping." Fred completed.

"Yuk." Harriet said to Ron "Imagine that! Me and one of your brothers! Now, that's a nasty thought.""Worse then you know..." Ron gasped, who still thought of Harry as a boy...Just then Percy and 'Jim' turned up.

"Ah, Rebecca, you're awake." Percy said, pompous as ever. At least he was still a boy... "Listen, Madame Pomfrey says that if you feel okay, you can go back to the dorm tonight- and McGonagall will never find out about the party! So-"  
  
"She's not leaving till I've checked her over." The school matron said firmly, appearing suddenly behind them all. They waited patiently for the nurse to deem that 'Rebecca' didn't have flu, TB, Meningitis, Amnesia, Delusion, Chicken pox, Measles, leukaemia or concussion. "I don't know..." She said doubtfully "You still seem very agitated, dear." _Really?_ Ron thought _I just changed sexes! And so have my best friends and my little sister! Agitated? Me? Why would I be agitated?!_ But He just said "No, really, I'm fine." After much ohh-ing and arr-ing, Rebecca was finally aloud to leave and go back to the common room. Ron was relieved. Maybe once he'd had a good night sleep... But he was wrong. Things were about to get a whole lot worse.  
  
A/N: Another shorttie, I know, but now the first that they're done, we can get onto the good stuff- like dormitories, dressing, gossiping and Malfoy! Speaking of whom, Malfoy stays a boy...but boy, have I got a funny sub-plot with him! Let's just say it involves Harriet and a few Gryffindor 'boys'...

List of changed peeps so far:

Harry=Harriet,

Hermione= Henry

Ron= Rebecca

Neville= Naomi

Ginny= Jimmy. (Usually called Jim.)

I'll see you in the next chapter, then!


	3. Two: How come he's a boy and I'm not?

A/N: Woah. People are actually enjoying this...that's a surprise. I wasn't going to carry on with this, but now...I'm back! Wohoo!  
  
Big thanks to ALL my reviewers!:  
  
Stue Z. McGoogle: Here's Chapter Two, then. Don't know why cha want it though. It shall forever remain a mystery, just like the point in Algebra.  
  
HaveFunWithThat: I'm a very confusing person...MWHAHAHAHA!  
  
Redneck Horse Lover: And... now I'm just plain confused. It wasn't THAT funny. Oh well. You better keep a supply of oxygen canisters handy for your friend, cause if she liked that one so much, I don't want to know what this one will do to her...Believe me, this one is TWISTED.  
  
Disclaimer: How many times will we be forced to admit that we are just mere mortals, incapable of having any remotely creative thoughts? Surely, pulling us out of our happy world of delusion at the start of every chapter is unbearably cruel...? Hmm...Do you think disclaimers constitute torture...?  
  
Ahh! Everyone's after Harry! And how will Ron cope with THE UNKNOWN, plus the girl's toilets, and Malfoy? In one chapter! Man, I'm cruel...  
  
Two: How come he's a boy and I'm not?  
  
'Ron' somehow made it back to Gryffindor Tower. Pretending this was all a really weird dream seemed to work. That, and trying desperately hard not to think about his new...'anatomy'.

Ron called his goodnights, and began to head up the stairs to his dormitory, longing for his bed. Then he had to come back down again, red- faced, because he had been heading towards the boys' rooms. The others gave him a strange look. Yep, he had certainly been attracting a lot of those recently... Ron put a tentative foot onto the girls' staircase, and, to his relief, it didn't turn into a steep slope. Taking a deep breath, Ron climbed the staircase and into...THE UNKNOWN. Yes, it has to be written in caps, because that's how Ron felt. He never thought he'd be going into a girl's bedroom before he even left school... 

This train of thought caused him to blush even more violently, and he stumbled up the last few steps towards his fate.

"Sometimes, I worry about her." Harriet sighed.

"Why do you think we pretend we don't know her?" George asked.

"You should give it a try." Fred added. "Works like a charm."

"Maybe I will try ..." Harriet conceded. "It's either that or I take to wearing a paper bag over my head."

"Spoil your looks."

"Okay...I'm going to leave now..." With that, Harriet followed her red- haired pal up the stairs, to the sound of hearty laughter.

As soon as Ron opened the dormitory door, three pairs of curtains swung back to reveal three anxious faces. Three _female_ faces. Yep, it was Dean, Seamus and Neville! It would have been hilarious, had the swap not affected him. Of course, it had, so it wasn't funny AT ALL.

Ron nearly gave in there and then. His knees were quite prepared to buckle, his mouth quite ready to spout gibberish, his body quite ready to do that freaky rocking back and forth thing. It would all be so easy to do...

Ron pulled himself together. _Last year,_ He thought _Voldemort brakes into the castle, and I'm fine. Yep, take on a few chess pieces, find a flying key, get eaten by an overgrown weed...Nothing to it! And now, my friends all change genders and wham! I'm practically going insane. Come on Ron, _He scolded himself. _You can get through this. Stop being such a big girl! _

The irony of that statement barely had time to register before the three girls were on him like vultures.

"Hey 'Becca!" 'Seamus' cried. "Welcome back to the land of the living!"

"Naomi thought you were dead!" Dean's counterpart said with a grin.

"You looked it!" The third girl whimpered. "You were all crumpled up on the floor, and I thought...Oh, 'Becca...I'm so sorry!"

A very surprised Ron found himself being hugged by a very remorseful Naomi. Ron could hardly breathe. He was sorely tempted to leave it that way...

"Okay!" He chocked. "I'll forgive you if you just let go of me!" "Sorry." Naomi said sheepishly. "I was worried..."

"She thought she'd go to Azkaban for murder." The Dean-girl said, rolling her eyes.

"Hmm, death by a floor lamp." Ron commented wryly. "Don't worry, Nev- _Naomi_. Look, here I am, all alive."

"I'm alive to, if anyone cares." Harriet called, coming through the door.

"Hey, Harry." The girls replied, one after another. "Hello, Dawn, Sarah, Rebecca, _clumsy_." "I'm not _that_ clumsy..." Naomi muttered sullenly.

The chat between the other four girls never ceased as they were getting ready for bed. However, Ron was too busy trying to get changed not only blush-free, but also with his eyes closed to join in. Even when they got into bed, Dawn and Sarah just wouldn't shut up. So, Harriet told them to. Rather bluntly. Ron gave a sigh of relief. It was easily the most masculine thing Harriet had said all night.

"Ooh,_ someone's_ lying on the wrong side of the bed!" Ron suppressed a groan. They all sounded like Parvati.

"Sorry." Harriet laughed. "I get cranky when I don't get any sleep. Well, goodnight and sweet dreams, everyone." Ron nearly threw up._ Sweet dreams_? Now that was most defiantly not a manly thing to say.

"Wish this was a dream..." he muttered darkly.

"What?"

"I said...errm..." Ron saw an opportunity. "I had a really weird dream the other night. In my 'dream', I woke up and we were all g- boys."

"Dream? More like _nightmare_." Sarah chuckled.

"Yeah." Harriet agreed, wrinkling her nose "Who'd want to be a _boy_?" Ron shrugged. He was sure he could find one or two... The well of useful insights here was so shallow, he'd obviously be better off just going to the local supermarket and buying some bottled water.

"Wouldn't that be weird, though?" Dawn said sleepily. "If there was some parallel universe somewhere, where we _were_ all boys..."

"Wouldn't that mean all the boys were girls...?" Naomi wondered aloud.

"Do you think all that 'Parallel Universe' stuff is real, then Dawn?" Harriet asked.

"I dunno..." She considered. "Maybe we should ask Henry." There was a general murmur of agreement.

"If he doesn't know, no-one will." Harriet smiled.

"If he doesn't know," Sarah corrected "He'll go down to the library and find out for us."

"Yeah, he's a sweetheart." Naomi yawned "You're lucky to have him, in some ways, 'Becca."

"Um..." Ron replied, not really knowing what he was agreeing to. Inside, his head was spinning. If Dawn's theory proved to be correct, all he had to do was find a way back to _his_ universe. Hmm...defiantly easier said then done.

_Or maybe_, he thought optimistically, _I'll wake up tomorrow and this will have all been a dream.  
_ Yeah, maybe. But only if I'm in a very good mood.

Ron had no such luck. Having overcome the obstacle of getting dressed completely blind, he headed down to breakfast with his supposed best friend. Half way into the hall, Ron heard a voice that he really didn't want to.

"Well, look who it is..." Said the drawling tones of Draco Malfoy. Great. Could this morning get any worse? Ron turned round to face Malfoy and his shaved gorillas. On seeing them, the first thought that came to mind was _That is not fair! How come he's a boy and I'm not?_ _  
  
_ "What do you want, Malfoy?" He demanded. He wasn't having a very good day so far...

"Ah, lovely as ever, Miss Weasly." He said, tones dripping with fake flattery. "Oh, well. Perhaps one day your parents will be able buy you some manners." Crabbe and Goyle giggled stupidly behind him.

"Go away, Malfoy." Harriet said steely. Malfoy turned his attention to her.

"Oh, Harry, I've been looking for you." He said, draping an arm round her waist. "I want to know if you've seen sense. Many girls would kill to be on the arm of Draco Malfoy."

"The only person I'd _kill_ is you!" Harriet snapped, slapping his hand away. Malfoy laughed.

"Ah, so feisty." He drawled, in the most patronizing of terms "You're going to be a hard one to get, aren't you Harry? But, lucky for you, I'm always ready for a challenge..." They were attracting more attention now. People were beginning to stare.

"If you think I'd ever give you so much as the time of day, you're going to have to buy a watch." Harriet informed him icily. "Now, get out of here, or so help me, your wand will be going into the most inconvenient of crevices."

Ron laughed loudly, more to back up his friend then because it was actually funny. Draco put his hand on Harriet's face. This was just _sick_.

"Y'know..." He said slowly. "According to my father, your mother hated your father at first, and they ended up married. Dead now of course, but what did he expect, marring a mud-blood...?" Harriet slapped him hard round his face. Draco's look of self-satisfaction faded to a cold stare of pure malice.

"Careful, there, Potter." He said quietly. "I'm not above hitting girls..."

"No, I bet you're not." Another voice said. "Now, you wouldn't be bothering these two lovely girls, would you Malfoy?"

"Leave it, Henry..." Harriet muttered as the boy came to stand next to them. "He's not worth tarnishing your perfect record over..."

"And what you going to do if I _am_ bothering them?" Malfoy sneered, ignoring Harriet and talking directly to Henry. "What you gonna do, hit me over the head with a textbook?" Crabbe and Goyle guffawed behind him.

"Not a textbook." Henry snarled. "I wouldn't want to contaminate one. I'm sure my wand will be _quite sufficient_."

Crabbe and Goyle stepped forward. They had eventually figured out that the smart boy was making threats. This was, after all, exactly why Luicius Malfoy paid them to be Draco's 'friends'.

"You may be smart, Muddy." Malfoy gloated from behind the wall of extremly dumb muscle. "But how good are you in physical combat?"

"Hmm...Not brave enough to fight me yourself, Malfoy? Coward!"

"C'mon, leave it..." Ron groaned. He had come to the counclusion that Hermione's male counter-part could _not_ deal with testosterone.

"But-"Henry begun. Then he looked over Ron's head "Oh, hi guys!" He called to the approaching mob of Gryffindor boys. "Guess what? _Malfoy_ here thinks it's perfectly acceptable to hit girls..."

"Really?" Fred asked, coming to stand behind them. "I disagree, somewhat."

Ron squirmed internally. He knew it was nice of the others to come to their defence, but...Harriet looked just as uncomfortable as he felt. Well, this was extremely embarrassing.

"C'mon..." Ron whispered to her. "Let's sneak into the hall while no-one's looking..."

"What?" Harriet replied, incredulously. "And miss Malfoy being battered by the boys? This is a moment we'll remember for the rest of our lives!" Ron was about to reply, but then stopped to watch as Fred, George, Jim, the now male Parvati and Lavender, as well as Henry progressed towards Malfoy and his cronies.

"Now, what do you think are the chances of your survival," George said conversationally to Crabbe and Goyle, as he twirled his wand round his fingers. "Compared to the chances of you two beating all of us?" It took a long time for Crabbe and Goyle to process this sentence. 'Survival' had three syllables, for heavens sake! When they finally interpreted it, they made the only smart decision of their lives. They ran. Malfoy had no choice but to follow, followed by the hysterical laughter of the Gryffindors and most of the corridor's occupants.

"I'm glad we hung around." Harriet giggled. "Did you see the look on that scum's face?"

"Priceless." Ron replied, a genuine smile tugging at his lips. Okay, so his life wasn't going to well right now, but it was _almost, almost_, worth it to see the look on Malfoy's face when his ego was flattened.

Ron smiled to himself. When things got to their direst, he would summon up this memory and have a quiet chuckle.

The next problem of the day presented itself to Ron directly after breakfast. It is inevitable that at some point every living creature will have to...go. So, with considerable trepidation, Ron journeyed into the place where no man has ever gone before- the girl's toilets. Without putting to fine a point on it, it was a new experience for Ron. I'm sure I can leave the rest to your sugar-influenced imaginations...

"Finally!" Harriet yelled when he emerged some minutes later. "What took so long? C'mon, or we'll be late!"

Ron stumbled after her, sincerely hoping that he wouldn't have to do _that_ too often...

A/N: Well, there's Chapter Two. And there's all my ideas, to. Considering I only put this story's Prologue up the day before yesterday, I think I've done pretty well! The next update won't be quite as quick though..._Please insert in-coherent mumbling here.  
  
_Scooby: She has writer's block.  
  
Me: Don't tell them! Still, ideas are welcome! Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers, and those who are going to review right now! (HINT, HINT!)


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